Why do you hate prairie skirts?

Because they remind me of Michelle my vagina has it's own zip code and a swimming pool Duggar, but they also remind me of something else:

Teachers.

Disclaimer: I have many friends, both in real life and crackbook that are well-dressed teachers. How do you know you are a "fashionable teacher?" (this is such an oxymoron, I can't even believe I just wrote those two words in the same sentence......) There are 3 ways to tell.....

1. You have been formally reprimanded by your principal for "inappropriate" clothing. Nice job, one step further away from this.

2. The 7th grade boys hit on you. What? Being known as the fuckable teacher is a badge of honor in my book. Rock on. Just don't get carried away, it's like a felony and shit.....

3. All the dorky teachers hate you. Don't feel bad. It's not YOUR fault you have a waist.

Don't fall into their trap, you don't HAVE to dress like a teacher. Dress like you! And remember some of these simple rules:

FELT is not a fabric, people. It's a fucking arts and crafts supply!

You don't need a Jeanne Bice sweater for every season and/or holiday. Although I would like to see a black history month sweater. That would be fucking sweet.....

If your nipple gets snagged in your zipper, your jeans are MUCH too high.

I could go on all day, but I have shit to do. Just keep on top of yourself, check with your non-teacher friends once in a while for their opinion on what are you wearing. You really do have to be careful. Ugly teacher clothes can often have their own gravitational pull. Just like the Earth rotating around  the sun. It happens SLOWLY. First it's "oh look at these christmas ornament earrings. They are kinda fun.." And the next thing you know you are taking a fucking embroidery class. I suggest a monthly ugly clothes check. Take everything you own, and lay it out on your floor. Invite 3 of your best-dressed friends over to take inventory. Let them throw away ANYTHING they think sucks. You'll be thanking them for it one day....